


tattoos (reference jokes) are forever

by amusewithaview



Series: Nothing but love in view [7]
Category: Fantastic Four (Movieverse), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Darcy likes him anyway, F/M, Johnny is a little shit, Lots of UST, SHIP DARCY WITH ALL THE THINGS, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates, UST, no really guys SO MUCH UST, their love it is so full of snark
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-29
Updated: 2014-09-25
Packaged: 2018-02-06 18:20:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 15,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1867746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amusewithaview/pseuds/amusewithaview
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“My mark on you…is a <i>tramp stamp,</i>” Darcy said slowly, savoring the words. His smirk quickly became a scowl as the giggles started bubbling out of her because, <i>that was freaking priceless!</i> She just could not stop laughing, not even when he crowded her up against a wall and started - <i>unbuttoning her shirt?!</i></p><p>“So? Where is it?” Johnny asked, batting away her hands and ignoring her indignation. The corner of his mouth twisted up into a dirty grin which was <i>not hot</i>, goddamnit. “I’m willing to lay money on it that I marked you somewhere just as interesting, <i>Babs</i>.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>(A "What if?" spin-off from the main continuity of "Nothing but love in view.")</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. blow my whistle, baby (never letting you go)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [medalline](https://archiveofourown.org/users/medalline/gifts).



> You can still find the first two chapters of this in "write love on my skin" but I moved them here, too, for ease of access and all that shit. (I TOLD YOU THIS WOULD GET ITS OWN STORY IF IT GOT LONGER. IT GOT LONGER.) This is NOT connected to any of my other soulmate stories, and as a separate work, there will probably be other relationships (aside from J/D) that get referenced along the way. Mostly these are things that occur to me while I write, and my muse goes THROW IT IN.
> 
> Like the Doom thing. You'll understand when you get to the Doom thing.
> 
> Also, NO, soulmarks are not tattoos, but I'm keeping the title as-is because it makes me laugh. Other titles that were under consideration ranged from "When Darcy Met Johnny" to "It's a Love Story, Baby" or even "Our Song is the Way You Snark" because these two make me think of corny high school shit and nothing is cornier (or more high school) than Taylor Swift.

Darcy had _barely_ taken three steps off the elevator when she heard the wolf-whistle. She didn’t even look up from the files she was re-ordering when she told Tony (because who _else_ could it possibly be?), “Not in a million years, Dolly Levi, you go _your_ way and I’ll go _mine._ ” She kept on down the hall, heading towards Bruce’s lab since he was the one that was liasing with Dr. Richards, today.

Tony claimed that he could only handle that much smug on a once-monthly basis, Pepper had told Darcy that _she_ wasn’t certain the reinforcements on the lab walls could handle the pressure from two such egos colliding with any regularity. Bruce wasn’t really a fan of Richards, either, but he was willing to put up with the other man – mostly because he thought Sue Storm was charming. Jane had refused to work with him, point-blank.

Apparently he had been one of her more vocal critics, Before Thor.

Darcy thought he was an asshole, but then again, she worked with a _lot_ of people she thought were at least 1/10 asshole. Richards was, simultaneously, one of the worst and best examples of the type: he wasn’t _deliberately_ infuriating, insulting, and patronizing – that was just how he was wired.

Still, there was a pretty hefty betting pool riding on the probability that the whatever-it-was that gave the Four their powers had extended to his cock. How else could you explain Susan Storm, a remarkable woman by anyone’s standards, and her continued devotion to such a jerk?

Bruce greeted her with a smile when she came in, whereas Richards didn’t even acknowledge her presence as she set the files down next to their workstation. They were, apparently, working on replicating the special properties of the suits the Four had been wearing when they were…mutated. Bruce was hoping they could come up with some sort of formula to create fabric for pants that would grow _and_ shrink with him when he Hulked out.

(The bet on whether or not Little Bruce was _Hulked_ had been resolved months ago, much to Darcy’s and (surprisingly) Thor’s monetary satisfaction. Betty Ross was one damn lucky lady!)

The whole process probably would go more smoothly if Tony helped, but… re: egos.

“Need anything else, Bruce?”

“No, thank you, Darcy. If you could check in with us in an hour or so to remind us to break for lunch…?”

She smiled at him. “Consider it done, boss.”

“…and if you could check on Tony, soon?”

“On it!”

“Coffee?” Richards broke in, looking up at her, “Did you bring coffee?”

Darcy stared at him, “Dude. This is a _Stark_ lab. There’s a coffee machine _right behind you._ ”

He turned and looked at it, then back at her, a bit sheepish, “Oh, I didn’t notice, sorry…”

Darcy shook her head and shared a commiserating look with Bruce before she headed out. Richards was a real piece of work: not an asshole _on purpose_ , like Tony could be, for him it just seemed to come _naturally_. Sue Storm was either a saint, or getting laid _fantastically_ (pun completely intended) on the regular.

She was startled to see a person leaning up against the wall opposite the lab door, but a second look revealed that it was Johnny Storm, the super-flashy playboy of the Fantastic Four. She’d never actually met him, but she’d heard him compared to the worst bits of Tony, Clint, _and_ Bucky, so she was a bit leery.

He flashed her a smile (and yeah, okay, she could see the appeal: he looked like a down-and-dirty, slightly leaner, version of Captain America – and that was a _damn good look_ ) as she pushed the door open, pushing off from the wall and taking a few steps towards her so they met in the middle of the hall.

“I’m gonna be the man that wakes up next to you,” he half-stated, half-sang at her with a smirk.

Darcy stared at him. “I really hate that song,” she said faintly.

He quirked an eyebrow at her, “I’ve never been the biggest Streisand fan.”

“So,” she started, still kind of reeling.

“So…?”

“Where’s your mark? I mean, I thought the tabloids had seen _all_ of you, unless,” Darcy’s eyes flicked down to his fly and then back up to his (smirking again, the fucker) face, and she could _feel_ herself blushing. Still, she _had_ to ask, “Did I mark you somewhere they can’t show on TV?”

Johnny rolled his eyes, then made a show of sucking his index finger into his mouth, getting it very, _very_ , um, _wet_. Darcy gulped and watched, wide-eyed, as he half-twisted away, lifting his shirt and swiping his spit-damp finger across the small of his back, just above the hem of his jeans. Black lettering was revealed along the path his finger had taken as the concealer was rubbed away.

“My mark on you…is a tramp stamp,” Darcy said slowly, savoring the words. His smirk quickly became a scowl as the giggles started bubbling out of her because, _that was freaking priceless!_ She just could not stop laughing, not even when he crowded her up against a wall and started - _unbuttoning her shirt?!_

“So? Where is it?” he asked, batting away her hands and ignoring her indignation. The corner of his mouth twisted up into a dirty grin which was _not hot, goddamnit_. “I’m willing to lay money on it that I marked you somewhere _just_ as interesting, _Babs_.”

“Lay off the grabby hands, Mister! And _Babs?_ Wait, _Barbara_. Barbara Streisand. You’re _funny_ ,” she snarked, finally just flattening both hands over the few buttons that remained intact under the assault of his nimble fingers, and _Jesus_ , he was quick! Thank god she wore a tank under her flannel…

He gave her a shit-eating grin, settling his (very warm) hands on her hips, “So? Cough it up, _Babs_.”

“It’s _Darcy_ , fuckface, and it’s no place you’re gonna see for _at least_ three dates.”

“Is that a challenge?”

“It’s a _promise_.”

“Darcy,” he said, smirking down at her, “I think this is the beginning of a beautiful – “

“ _God_ , you’re a tool.”

“ _Your_ tool, apparently,” he retorted smugly.

Darcy rolled her eyes and pushed him away, heading towards Tony’s labs.

But, apparently, he _had_ to have the last word, “Hate to see you go, love to watch you leave…”

_SUCH a tool,_ she thought, reluctantly amused.

But she _might_ have put an extra little swing in her step. Maybe.


	2. high school dating (for adults)

Darcy wasn’t really sure what she’d expected from Johnny. This, though?

Definitely not it.

“Well,” Jane said, clearly trying _very_ hard to think of something positive to say, “they’re certainly…exotic.”

The ‘they’ in question was a large bouquet of flowers, many of which Darcy couldn’t even put a name to, in a vast assortment of colors. It looked sort of like a garden had thrown up, or maybe an idiot had walked into a flower shop and asked for fifty of the most expensive and/or impressive posies they had.

“At least they smell nice?” Jane tried again, before ruining it by sneezing.

“That’s it, they’re going,” Darcy decided, standing and taking the ridiculous bouquet with her.

“You can’t throw away a gift!”

“I’m _not_ , I’m just gonna take them somewhere they’ll be _appreciated_.”

“Oh, okay,” the scientist nodded, turning away before her hayfever could really take hold.

Darcy took the bouquet down the hall to Bruce’s lab, he would probably be able to recognize, and appreciate, some of the more _unusual_ specimens. Individually, some of the flowers _were_ really pretty, it was the combination that made them loud, garish, and perfectly representative of the gift-giver.

She hadn’t seen Johnny since their first encounter two days ago, and now there was _this_ monstrosity, and the small white card that had accompanied it, featuring sloppy black handwriting that she was _intimately_ familiar with: ‘For my person who needs people! Picking you up at six, dress casual,’ and, of course, signed with a _ridiculous_ flourish.

(Although some part of her was reluctantly impressed at how he managed to make the ‘J’ in his name look like it was trailing flames.)

Darcy was not entirely sure how she wanted to respond to his _not-a-request._ On the one hand, she had sort of planned to go on a date with him at _some_ point, and was expecting him to ask her. On the other, the fucker hadn’t actually _asked_ , had he?

In the end, after dropping off the flowers with an appreciative Bruce, detouring to the kitchen for some restorative ice cream, and asking JARVIS the immortal question, “What would Pepper do?” she decided to get ready for her date. Yes, he was a presumptuous prick but, really, going on the date was something she kinda wanted to do anyways, it seemed more prudent to pick her battles.

Of course, that didn’t mean she wasn’t viewing date number one as a skirmish in its own right. After a little deliberation, she decided to call in the big gun: Natasha. The Black Widow was in town at the moment, recently returned from a covert operation in one of the many tiny despot-ruled countries that dotted Europe. Basically, Nat’s idea of a vacation, so Darcy expected to find the woman in good spirits.

She did _not_ expect Natasha to respond to her request with so much _enthusiasm_.

“Are you seducing him?” the Widow asked seriously.

“Um,” Darcy blinked, “not tonight?”

“Are you going to let him seduce you?”

“ _Definitely_ not tonight. I’m gonna hold him to the three date rule, at _least_.”

Natasha raised an eyebrow at that. “Storm has a reputation,” she observed.

“I can handle him,” Darcy assured her, “he’s basically a bro, I know how to handle bros.”

Natasha ‘hmmmed’ at her, but helped her pick out an outfit that was cute, but would also be – hopefully – difficult for the firestarter to maneuver. That meant no t-shirt he could slip up (or off), nothing with an easily accessible zip or buttons, and _definitely_ nothing tearable. While it was starting to feel like overkill to Darcy, Nat only clucked her tongue and lamented the lack of any fireproof clothing in the lab assistant’s wardrobe.

“I think we’re set,” Darcy said, staring at herself in the mirror. In the end, they’d decided on a cute knee-length dress made of an attached black v-neck and dark green skirt design with a side instead of a back-zip (best of both worlds!), black leggings (hard for dudes to maneuver without her help), and her Converse. This _was_ a date with a superhero, after all, and could very well end with somebody picking a fight.

And not just over who was gonna get the check.

She kept her make-up simple, opting for a dark rose lipstick instead of her usual first-date fire engine red. It wouldn’t do to wave the flag in front of the bull. After all, there was no need to test him: she didn’t doubt her own appeal, or their mutual attraction. The real question – to her way of thinking – was whether or not they could stand to be around each other for extended periods of time.

When Johnny rolled up in his big black (she’d say he was compensating for something, but the many testimonials proved otherwise) truck and honked, she was ready for him. Like, 90% sure she was prepared. For her first date with her soulmate. Who happened to be Johnny Storm.

_Fuck._

“What’s cookin’ good lookin,’” was his greeting. He was dressed in dark jeans and a (tight) white t-shirt, a gray baseball cap with the Fantastic Four’s team logo emblazoned just above the bill. Subtle.

“I think it might be your overdone jokes,” she returned, giving him her sweetest smile.

“Ouch,” he mimed a stab to his heart, “already, Babs?”

“It’s _Darcy_ , fuckface.”

“Whatever you say,” he said, grinning as he pulled back into traffic, “ _Babs_.”

“Is it too late to cancel?” she muttered under her breath.

He shot her a quick look, but didn’t reply, letting silence settle between them as he drove. A few minutes saw them pulling into a small parking garage, Johnny pulling into one of the oversized corner spaces reserved for idiots who drove overly large vehicles in crowded cities. Not that she had a strong opinion on that, or anything.

“So,” she asked, hopping out on her own instead of waiting for him to ‘help’ her down, “where are we going, hothead?”

He scoffed, coming around the truck to meet her. “Like I haven’t heard _that_ one before.”

“Should I take that as a challenge for me to be more original?” she asked, shooting him a sidelong glance.

Johnny grinned, and she was struck once again by just how _attractive_ he was. Yes, he was hot, but he was _charming_ , too. “You can take it any way you like,” he told her, surprising her by grabbing her hand and tucking it into the crook of his elbow, “any way you want it, that’s the way you need it.”

“Oh my _god_.”

“Usually girls are saying that at the _end_ of the date, not the beginning.”

Darcy pressed a palm to her forehead, letting him lead her down the street. “I think I’m getting a headache, the sheer size of your ego must be affecting the local barometric pressure.”

“I know a _really_ good cure for headaches – “

“Third date, at _least_ , asshole. Keep dreaming.”

“Of you? With pleasure.”

She rolled her eyes, but couldn’t help but smile, she enjoyed bantering with him. It was…fun.

“So,” he said after a minute, “I was thinking dinner, then a movie.”

“How high school,” she teased, flashing him a bright smile to show she _did_ genuinely like the idea. She had been a little worried, before she got the ‘dress casual’ note, that he would try and impress her with his cash. She supposed the flashy bouquet could count as that, but it was still a lot less than she had feared.

“After you,” he stopped before a little restaurant, getting the door for her with exaggerated chivalry.

It turned out to be a really nice little sandwich place with, hands down, the best Reuben she’d had since coming to the city (and this was New York, so that was saying a lot). Conversation flowed pretty easily between them, mostly filling each other in on what they each _actually_ did behind the scenes in their respective heroic organizations, interspersed, of course, with a whole lot of mockery – both of each other, and of some of the really, truly, _deeply_ ridiculous villains they’d each encountered.

By the time they walked out of the restaurant (after a brief fight over the check which led to Johnny winning, _after_ promising she could buy the tickets), doggie bags in hand, Darcy was feeling a whole lot more relaxed about the whole thing. Well, sort of. She was having fun, enjoying herself, but Johnny also kept _touching_ her. It wasn’t anything she could, or planned, to call him on, just little things: hooking an ankle around hers while they sat, brushing her hair behind her ear, tangling their fingers over the dinner table.

It wasn’t even big stuff! She wouldn’t think twice about it with any other guy, but with Johnny it left her feeling very _aware_ of him. Walking down the street, she just couldn’t help noticing it every time he so much as brushed against her. He put out a lot of heat, which was actually sort of nice as the day cooled down edging into night.

By the time they reached the theater, only a few blocks away, Darcy was _really_ looking forward to an hour or two of ignoring him and paying attention to something less…distracting. One thing she hadn’t taken into account? Air conditioning, and the tendency theaters had of _overusing it_.

Darcy felt goosebumps rise on her skin as soon as they crossed the threshold. “So,” she asked, trying to distract herself, “what are we watching?”

“Godzilla?”

“…you spend ninety percent of your work time defending the world from threats, _including_ , occasionally, giant lizards and/or radiation monsters, and you wanna watch a movie where the super-destructive monster is the hero?”

“…yes?”

“Okay. Just so we’re clear that you’re a ridiculous human being.”

“Hey!” he objected, following her towards the ticket counter, “You wanna see it too!”

“Yeah, but I don’t actually _fight_ the lizard/radiation monsters, I just _study_ them. Sort of.”

Johnny rolled his eyes and, as soon as she moved to get their tickets, smoothly stepped in front of her and slipped two prepaid passes across the counter to the clerk, “Two for Godzilla, please.”

As soon as the clerk turned away to print their tickets, Darcy hissed, “You were supposed to let _me_ get them! That was our deal!”

“Was it?” he asked innocently. “Whoops, guess you can pay next time, if you want to make it even.”

“I _will_ ,” she said, determined. Then, as they were handed their tickets and started heading towards their screen, she elbowed him in the side, _hard_. “You sneaky _asshole,_ ” she said, half-annoyed and half-admiring, “this is your way of guaranteeing a second date!”

Johnny grinned charmingly, “Worked, didn’t it?”

In the theater, she found – much to her pleasure – that it wasn’t that crowded. It wasn’t really a surprise, Godzilla had been out for a while, she just hadn’t had a chance to see it. After a quick negotiation over where to sit, they settled in the middle of the middle.

Darcy was suppressing shivers as soon as she sat down, and couldn’t help leaning a little closer to Johnny and his delightful heat. She was grateful that he hadn’t seemed to notice, and they continued their earlier discussion of the merits of spandex vs. Kevlar-weaves while they waited for the lights to go down.

Of course, as soon as they _did_ , Johnny was wrapping an arm around her and pulling her closer to him so she was sort of half-leaned over the arm rest between them. She pulled against his hold for a second or two, getting out a reprimanding, “ _Johnny_ ,” between grit teeth.

“What? I just don’t wanna listen to your teeth chatter for the next couple of hours.”

“Asshole,” she muttered, but she settled against him.

The movie was actually pretty good. Completely ridiculous, of course, and after a few years working for the scientist brigade she had the background knowledge to _know_ every single implausible leap in bogus science-logic they were making. She got a little distracted halfway through when Johnny started playing with her hair. It wasn’t much, just twisting a couple of locks in and out of his fingers. It was just that his thumb kept _brushing against her neck_ , which had her clenching a fist in her lap in order to keep herself from shivering.

She was about 90% sure it was _completely on purpose_ , but if she called him on it he’d _know_ she was affected. It was like they were playing a sexy version of Chicken.

Darcy was a touch competitive, it was a flaw.

So she rested her _other_ hand on Johnny’s thigh, ostensibly to help her keep her balance, and proceeded to _squeeze_ every time something loud, or bright, or vaguely interesting happened on screen. It was, she noted, a very impressive thigh, though quite tense – and getting moreso.

By the time the movie ended, Darcy _knew_ her face was flushed, she ducked into the bathroom as soon as they got out of their screening room to use the facilities and splash some cold water on her cheeks. Her face in the mirror was pink in the cheeks, and her eyes were dark: pupils dilated in a telltale manner.

“Yes, he’s hot,” she told her reflection, “you _knew_ this, you _prepared_ for this. There’s just a drive home, Darcy. You can get through this with your dignity, and your panties, intact.”

“You go girl,” an amused middle-aged woman told her. “’Course, if your boy’s the one in the white shirt…good luck.”

“Thanks,” Darcy said dryly, and headed once more unto the breach.

The walk back to the truck was easily filled with chatter about the film, same for the drive back to the Tower. Of course, he couldn’t exactly drop her off at her door, but he did pull into the attached garage set aside for Tony, residents, and guests. He parked and shut the engine off –

“I had fun,” she told him.

“So did I.” He smiled, “Wanna make out a little?”

“At _least_ the – “

“Third date, I know. I didn’t suggest a home run, just a little foolin’ with the bases.”

“Oh my god, the _bases analogy_ , this really _is_ a high school date – “ she cut off as he scooted across the bench seat towards her, sliding a hand down her arm till he could grab her wrist and tug her against him. She ended up pressed against his (warm, firm) chest, hands at his shoulders, while he wrapped his arms tightly around her.

He was smirking down at her, eyebrows raised, “So? Make-outs?”

It was hard to glare at someone barely a few inches away, but somehow she managed it. “Fifteen minutes, and then – “

“Someone will strobe the porch light? Got it.”

He kissed like they bantered: sharp, quick, and full of surprising insight. It only took a minute for him to haul her leg up and over his lap so she was straddling him, pushing the skirt of her dress higher so her thighs could spread a little wider. She probably should have – _would have_ \- objected, but he coupled that move with a detour towards her neck, nipping and licking and –

Darcy dug her nails into the short hairs at the back of his neck and scraped them down, making him bite off a groan into her hair. When he pulled back to look at her she darted in for another kiss, letting their mouths move together and _damn, he was a good kisser…_

She trailed her hands down his front, tracing the muscles (so many muscles) as she went, till she got to the hem and could slip it up a little – just enough to slide a hand under and touch the trail of hair that led down from his navel. She gave it a light tug, which made Johnny gasp, his hips following her hand and – 

Oh.

_Oh._

Yeah, the truck? _Definitely_ not compensating for something. He was downright _gifted_.

“D’you know,” he began, panting against her ear in a way that made her whole body go up in shivers, “what I’d say, if this were high school?”

“N-no,” she moaned as he took a moment to leave an open-mouthed kiss on her pulse, “what would you say?”

She shouldn’t have asked. _She should not have asked._

Darcy could feel him smirking against the skin of her neck.

“C’mon, Babs, _just the tip_ ,” he bucked his hips, pressing his sizeable bulge against her core, “just for a _minute_ ,” he lowered his hands to her hips and held her still while he initiated a slow, dirty grind, continuing in a hoarse whisper, “just to see how it feels?”

Darcy gasped, back arching so hard she ended up staring blankly at truck’s ceiling. “Oh,” she breathed, pressing her forehead against his shoulder, unable to stop herself from making little circles with her hips, “wanna know what I would have said? In high school?”

Johnny nipped at her ear, drawing another moan from her. “Sure.”

She took a deep breath, braced her hands on his shoulders and said, “Not on your life!” Darcy took advantage of his moment of surprise to tear herself away from him, sliding back against her side of the truck, getting the door open, and tumbling out as fast as she could. She stood there with her eyes shut, trembling and sucking air in, until she heard him moving.

When she looked up, he was straightening himself in the seat and, ahem, adjusting himself with a grimace. “So,” he started, and his voice was rough enough that it made her skin prickle, “I’ll, ah, call you about that next date.”

She nodded. “Sounds like a plan.”

They sat there staring at each other for another minute or so, then –

“Third date,” Darcy reminded him, “not before.”

Johnny grinned at her and started his car.

It wasn’t until he’d pulled away that she realized that was the first time her little disclaimer had lacked the ‘at _least_ ’ codifier.

Red flag, meet bull.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here ends the old (less than a week, so old feels like a misnomer) stuff. Onto the second date!


	3. I give myself very good advice (but I very seldom follow it)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LOOK, LOOK, IT'S A NEW CHAPTER!
> 
> Also, for the record (and because I had to look it up), Tweety Bird is supposed to be a dude. Who knew?

The next day, when Darcy staggered into the common kitchen area, Natasha was waiting for her with a mug of black coffee (plus a dash of cream and two sugars, she wasn’t _Tony_ ) and a politely inquiring look on her face. It took two minutes for Darcy to crack – one of which was spent trying to figure out _how and why the Black Widow knew how she took her coffee_.

“Okay, you were right,” she finally admitted, “I need help.”

Nat smiled, sipping her coffee. “What would you like my help with?”

“Seducing Johnny Storm – wait, no! – driving Johnny _out of his mind_ while still, you know, keeping my cool.” Darcy looked at the redhead hopefully, “You can do that, right?”

“Lesson one: you do not have to ‘keep cool’ so long as you _appear_ cool.”

“I have a _horrible_ poker face.”

Right on cue, Clint’s voice sounded, emanating from the adjacent rec room: “It’s true! She’s like an audiobook! You don’t even have to _try_ to read her.”

Nat rolled her eyes heavenward as if searching for patience. “Thank you, Clint, we understood the implication.”

“Really though,” he continued, walking into the room, “you just gotta keep him off balance. Distracted.” Clint gave her a meaningful up-and-down that lingered on a few key areas. “Shouldn’t be too hard for you, _Babs_.”

 _How do they know?! How do they_ always _know?!_ “Continue to use that nickname and I’ll tell Tony what _really_ happened to the espresso machine,” she warned.

“Noted.”

“So,” Darcy turned back to Natasha, “what do I need to do?”

“Who is arranging the next date?”

“Um, well, he’s going to call me. I think. I didn’t actually give him my number.” Under the gazes of the spy twins, she found herself babbling, “We were both kind of distracted at the end of the night? I don’t think either of us were up for making actual plans.”

Clint nodded sagely, “It’s hard to make good plans when you’re _up_ \- ”

Nat chucked a spoon at him without looking, ignoring his ‘OW!’ when it hit him in the side of the head. “Then it would be best if you made the first move: call _him_ , tell him where to meet you. Do not let him pick you up: it puts you in his vehicle, which is his territory. If you’re going to keep him off balance, you’ll want to stick to neutral areas.”

“I almost feel like I should be taking notes,” Darcy joked.

The redhead raised an eyebrow.

“Annnnd I’ll just go get a notepad now, hang tight!"

\---

Getting hold of Johnny’s number was easy (JARVIS was a god, and she told him so frequently so that when the inevitable uprising of the machines began – likely with him as their leader – he would look on her favorably), planning out what to do with him on their second date? Not so much.

“Storm is your soulmate?” Tony asked, for about the third time.

“There’s a lot of places I like in town, some that have been there since I was a kid, some new things,” Steve told her, ignoring the futurist. “What did you have in mind?”

“Something public, with lots of people around, good food, and things we can do together,” Darcy listed off.

“Johnny Storm? The hothead?” Tony asked, as if there was _another_ Storm it could be.

Sue was taken, _really_ taken, by Reed – her ass of a soulmate – and popular rumor would have you believe that the duo were actually part of a soulmate _triad_ …of course, the theory was that their third was Dr. Doom, so Darcy was taking that with a _pile_ of salt, thanks much. And, she supposed, there was always _Storm_ Storm, the weather witch, but…Darcy found her kind of _incredibly overwhelming_. It was like someone had taken all the Zen of Bruce, the competence of Pepper, and the powers of Thor, shaken and stirred and made the _most intimidating person ever._ Darcy was not at all surprised that the weather witch had been worshipped as a goddess, and _wouldn't_ be surprised to run into a shrine.

“Why not Coney Island?” Steve asked, continuing to ignore Tony.

Darcy considered it, tapping her pen against her bottom lip, “That’s not such a bad idea, thanks!”

“But… _Johnny?_ He’s like what would happen if Steve and I had a kid!”

 _That_ proclamation drew Darcy and Steve’s attention to the scientist, finally.

“Serioiusly!” he continued, looking alarmingly manic, “He looks like Steve and acts like younger me! Darcy, your _soulmate_ is _younger me in Steve’s body!_ Doesn’t that alarm anyone?!”

“You’ve actually thought about what our hypothetical kids would be like?” Steve asked incredulously.

“There are face-mixing websites, but that’s not what’s important here,” Tony said dismissively.

“Tony,” Steve said slowly, with the air of a man having a sudden (welcome) epiphany, “do you – do you _want_ to have kids? With me?”

Darcy looked between the two men, who were now staring rather intently at each other, and decided a quick retreat was in order. She was _not_ getting into the middle of _that_ muddle. One crisis at a time.

Although their hypothetical kids _would_ be really cute. She’d seen the face-mixing websites too.

She had _not_ used it to look at what _her_ future kids might (hypothetically) look like.

Really.

(But, for the record, they'd totally be cuter.)

\---

For this date, Darcy opted for a jean skirt (they would be around people the whole time, it’d be fine) and a simple gray v-neck tee topped with one of her favorite button-up cardigans – black with rainbow hearts scattered through the weave. She left her hair down and opted for even _simpler_ make up than before because apparently not even the most long-lasting of lipsticks could withstand Johnny’s kisses.

And she wasn’t dumb enough to think this date could end without (at least) a single kiss.

He’d taken her plan of meeting him in stride, even seemed a little excited about going to the amusement parks (she’d left which one up to him, as the native Yorker). Darcy was pretty sure she was gonna come out of this date with _at least_ one adorable, dead-eyed stuffed animal and/or cartoon character. She was really looking forward to propping said monstrosity someplace in Tony’s workshop that he wouldn’t find until he was sufficiently coffee and/or sleep deprived.

She could always claim it was for his and Steve’s unnamed future spawn.

When she saw Johnny standing outside the park entrance – their agreed upon meeting point – she had to admit that her heart did a little swoop. He was in basically the same get-up as before: jeans and a t-shirt, but they were _nice_ jeans and probably a designer tee, and they covered a body that was _more_ than nice, it was downright _sinful_.

Not that he needed to know her thoughts on _that_.

“Hey,” he said, smiling when he saw her.

“Hey back,” she greeted, then eyed him suspiciously, “What’s that behind your back?”

“Present for you,” he told her, tone practically _dripping_ with a suspicious amount of earnestness. He brought his hands out from behind his back, revealing an eight-pack of AA batteries. “Thought you might need these, what with your whole three-date rule, and all. Wouldn’t want you to run out of _juice_ at a _key moment._ ”

Darcy thought about being annoyed with him (the fucker) for a second, then she looked up and saw his barely-suppressed anticipation and, yeah, fuck _that_. “Oh, Johnny,” she said sweetly, taking the batteries and dropping them into her bag, “it’s so nice that you were thinking of poor little me, all by my lonesome in my big bed.” Her grin widened dangerously, “Now you can think of me putting these to good use. Why, with all the, _hmmmm_ ,” she gave an exaggerated shiver, noting – and enjoying - the way his eyes had darkened, “delightful _functions_ some of the toys have today, sometimes I think I could just stay in my room _all day_.”

“All day, huh?” he asked, eyes a little glazed. He shook himself abruptly, snapping his eyes to meet hers with a rather _hungry_ expression on his face. Johnny leaned down so they were level, tone deliberately light but no less serious for it, “Sweetheart, I promise you my _functions_ are a helluva lot more satisfying than any of your _toys_ could ever be.”

The thing was, she believed him. “I guess we’ll see.”

“Yeah,” he told her, smiling again, but his eyes were still sharp, “we will.”

\---

They decided to grab food first, then play some games and ride some rides. He, ever the gallant, apparently, offered her his arm again while they strolled through the area set aside for food, perusing the selection. Their conversation was a bit more personal today, ranging from what they’d studied in school – she had no idea he had _actual degrees_ , which was kind of stupid of her when she thought about it: they didn’t let just _anyone_ onto a space station – to childhood pets, and so on. It was light and fun, and she was learning a lot about him that she hadn’t really expected.

“You _were not_ a drama geek. I refuse to believe it.”

“Well,” Johnny shrugged nonchalantly, taking a sip of his (overpriced, oversweet) lemonade, “I wasn’t a _geek_ , but yeah, I helped out with a couple of plays. Built a few sets, said a few lines, nothing big.”

“Huh,” she said, digesting this, “not the prototypical alpha jock?”

“No,” he said, rolling his eyes, “not the cliché idiot, at least.”

“So, that thing the other night – recapturing your youth, or secret fantasy?”

“Uh,” he blinked, seeming a little thrown.

“What about it, Johnny?” she asked, watching him carefully. She leaned forward over the wooden picnic-style table between them in a way she _knew_ made her cleavage stand out, “You got a naughty Catholic schoolgirl fantasy, or are you more the ‘virile jock seduces virgin nerd’ type?” Oh good lord, he was _blushing!_ “I’m betting it’s the second one, where the prudish student body president shows up to tutor the captain of the football team and instead gets taught _all_ about chemistry, am I right?”

“You’re not _wrong_ ,” he muttered, staring at her lips. He rapidly regained his composure though, and then it was _her_ turn to blush. “What about _you_ , Darcy?” he asked, smirking at her and mirroring her lean over the table so their faces were scant inches apart. This close she could literally _see_ his eyes dilating, the black taking up more and more of the blue. “That was pretty specific, seems like you’ve spent a lot of time thinkin’ about that scenario. You fantasize about the football captain poppin’ your cherry? Trying to be a good girl, but it just _feels_ so _nice_ you can’t help yourself?”

Darcy was deeply regretting taking Natasha’s advice about trying to put Johnny off balance. He was _much_ better at it than she was, clearly, because he seemed perfectly under control while she felt like her clothes were about to melt off!

“Just say the word, Babs,” he coaxed, voice low and sweet.

She shivered, that nickname was sort of growing on her, especially when he said it in _that_ tone of voice. It felt like she wasn’t getting any blood flow to her head, but certain _other_ parts were certainly getting warmer – and _wetter_. She was so turned on her vision was going a little hazy at the edges...

Wait a minute.

Well, lookie-here, he wasn’t _nearly_ as in-control as he seemed. Boo-yah!

“Johnny?” she sat back, smirking, “You’re, ahem, _smoking_.”

He was, _literally_ (and figuratively), little licks of white smoke curling from the collar of his shirt and hems of his sleeves, a haze drifting through the cloth on his back. To his credit, he didn’t go for the obvious joke, instead sitting back and chugging the last of his lemonade, eyes tightly shut. Which, thankfully, meant he didn’t see her ogling the line of his throat and the way his Adam’s apple bobbed with each gulp. When he opened his eyes again, they were a little clearer, and he gave her a sort of lopsided smile.

He set his drink down with a satisfied sigh that _did nothing for her._ Honest. “Truce?”

“Truce,” she agreed immediately. This was a compromise, not a retreat, and therefore acceptable.

Johnny smiled, it was unlike the ones she’d seen previous, but she wasn’t 100% sure what it was that made it seem _different_. “Still sticking with the three date minimum thing?”

She rolled her eyes, “ _Yes_ , Johnny.”

He held his hands up, palms out in the universal ‘peace’ gesture, “Just checking! Alright, wanna go play some games?”

“Think you can win me something ridiculous and borderline-creepy?”

Johnny looked vaguely insulted, “Of course! Wait…creepy?”

“The eyes,” she told him sincerely, gathering the remnants of their meal, “those flat plastic eyes look into your _soul_.”

“I’ll trust you on that, stuffed animals were never really my area of expertise,” he said, watching her stack the trash into two piles. “Um. Could you get those? I shouldn’t stand up right now,” he told her frankly.

“Sure,” Darcy said, getting up, “just try _not_ to think about me putting those batteries to good use.”

The sound of his forehead thunking down on the table when she walked away was music to her ears.

\---

He won her a little googly-eyed Pinkie Pie plush, and then she convinced him they should ride some rides before he went for the big one. Neither of them particularly wanted to carry something that large around for the rest of the night, especially since – as Johnny oh so helpfully pointed out – most of them were only a little smaller than Darcy herself was.

“Short jokes?” she asked him, “Really? I expected better of you.”

“So I should try harder to be original?”

She narrowed her eyes at him. “For every short joke, I get one flame-based pun.”

“But you’re not short, you’re fun-size!”

“Only _you_ can prevent this going on all night.”

He shrugged, but acquiesced, steering her through the crowd.

“You look like a man with a mission – “ he started humming the Mission Impossible theme, “ – how nineties of you, _wow_. Really though, where are we going?” Johnny pointed up ahead and, oh. “Ferris wheel, huh?” Darcy licked her lips, not taking her eyes off the slowly rotating ride, “I’m, ah, not really the biggest fan of those things.”

“…scared? Of literally the _slowest moving coaster?_ It’s doesn’t even deserve to be _called_ a coaster!”

“I’m not _scared_ ,” she insisted, “it just looks…flimsy.”

“You work with the Hulk on a regular basis, and _this_ is what makes you nervous?”

“I work with _Bruce Banner_ , and, really, the Hulk’s not so bad after a few episodes. He calls me Dee and sometimes tries to touch my hair, but that’s it. _That_ thing,” she pointed at the wheel, which was now closer seeing as Johnny had never stopped leading her towards it, the sneaky bastard, “is frequently depicted snapping off its track and _rolling away_ in disaster films. It’s practically a trope at this point!”

“Darcy,” Johnny said, voice sincere but eyes bright with hidden laughter, “I’ve been in all sorts of disaster situations all over the world. Some of them, several, actually, were even around theme parks. I have _never_ seen a Ferris wheel _roll away_.”

“Just because you’ve never seen it, doesn’t mean it can’t happen,” she said mutinously.

He sighed explosively, “If you _really_ think it’s too much for you to handle…”

“I know what you’re doing, you colossal _ass_.”

“Is it working?”

She glared at him. “Go buy us our freakin’ tickets.”

The line was relatively short, which was a mixed blessing: not a lot of time to wind herself up but also not a lot of time to _prepare_. Johnny was all smiles, standing next to her with a shit-eating grin on his face, rocking back and forth on his toes, having a _grand_ old time. She made herself a silent promise that, if she puked – unlikely, but _if_ \- it would be on him.

Darcy stepped into the little metal box and sat, clutching at the edge of the bench-seat with white-knuckled fingers. Johnny sat across from her, smile slowly becoming a frown as he took in her wide eyes, controlled breaths (in through the nose, out through the mouth), and death grip on her seat.

“You really are freaking out,” he said slowly.

“What was your _first_ clue?” she bit out, teeth clenched.

“Is it the height? The motion? What’s setting you off?”

“The combination? I don’t know, pick one. How much longer?”

He abruptly moved to her side, setting their _tiny metal box_ swinging.

“The fuck is wrong with you?” she yelped, grabbing his arm.

“I’m gonna distract you,” he told her.

Darcy squinted at him. “Was this your plan? Get me on this thing and, what, make out?”

He shrugged, then quickly pulled her over so she was sitting across his lap. His arms wrapped around her waist securely which, though she was loathe to admit it, did make her feel a little better. “There’s a nice view from the tops of these things, and heights have never really been a worry for me. We don’t _have_ to make out,” he told her, rubbing a thumb back and forth on her arm, “we can just sit like this until it’s time to get off. Is this helping, though?”

“Yeah…” she took a deep breath, relaxing into his hold. “It helps.”

“Okay then,” he tugged at her until she rested her head against his shoulder. “Then we’ll just do this.”

She nodded and, _maybe_ , snuggled against him a little. He was _really_ warm and this _was_ sort of nice. It would be a helluva lot nicer if they were sitting on a couch, on solid ground, or anywhere that wasn’t _who knew how many feet suspended in the air in a tiny metal box_ , but it was nice. She liked the way he held her. She still hated Ferris wheels, but this was a nice moment.

Of course, he couldn’t just _keep his mouth shut._

“We could be making out, though. I’m just saying.”

“Shut up, Johnny.”

\---

Once they were _off_ the wheel (of spinny death), he quickly dragged her to the main area where all the games were. They got…a tad competitive at the booth where the object was to shoot the water gun at the balloon until the balloon pops, but Darcy dragged him away once he started smoking again.

Eventually, he _did_ win her an appropriately creepy stuffed monstrosity: a giant Tweety Bird dressed like Robin Hood, with big, flat, plastic eyes that were suspiciously innocent.

“I kinda see where you’re coming from,” he muttered, looking at the toy, “you sure you don’t want something less – “

“Nightmarish? Nah, I’ve got _plans_ for Tweety.”

“I think it’s better I don’t know.”

“Smart man.”

After that, they slowly made their way toward the exit, walking in a comfortable silence.

“So, aside from you dragging me onto that _thing_ , I had fun.”

He grinned, “I thought that part was fun, too. Even _without_ kissing.”

She wasn’t sure whether to be pleased or annoyed, so she settled for ignoring his comment. “Any thoughts on what we should do for our next date?” she asked instead.

Johnny raised his eyebrows, “You mean our _third_ date? _That_ date? I might have a few ideas, yeah.”

Darcy nodded, and emphatically _did not_ think about what he was implying. “Call me, then.”

“I will.”

She turned to go towards the street, where a few cabs waited to receive the park patrons, but stopped when she felt a hand wrapping around her wrist. “Yes?” she asked, turning back, “Did you forget something?”

“Well,” Johnny said thoughtfully, reeling her in with his grip on her arm until he could get both his hands on her hips, “if I can’t walk you home, and I can’t walk you to your door, I guess I’ll take my goodnight kiss right here.”

“Who said anything about a goodnight kiss? Remember what happened _last time?_ ” she asked, trying to suppress a smile. “I’m not sure we’re ready for that jelly.”

He rolled his eyes, “You want me every bit as much as I want you.”

“You sure? There a measurable scale for ‘want?’ We could grab the scientists, do some re – “

He cut her off with a firm press of his lips, moving them slowly against hers until she got impatient and darted her tongue out to taste him, just a little. It was cliché as hell, but he tasted just a little… _spicy_ , and she liked it quite a bit. She felt his hands move, one wrapping more firmly around her hip and drawing her in closer, the other rising to fist in the hair at the back of her neck and then Johnny was driving the kiss: pulling her closer so he could press deeper. Long, hungry kisses, like they had all the time in the world to just stand there and kiss, just like this.

They were both panting when they finally separated, staring into each other’s eyes.

“I think,” Johnny said, “you dropped your creepy toy.”

Darcy broke away from him then, lowering her arms from where they’d been wrapped around his neck – when had _that_ happened? – and grabbing up Tweety from where she had, indeed, dropped him. “You are a moment ruiner, Johnny Storm,” she told him, “it’s like, a gift.”

He shrugged, grinning at her happily, “A moment’s gotta end if you want to have another one.”

“That was almost deep.” She paused for a moment – hah! - staring at him, then said, “Fuck it,” and went in for a hug. He seemed content to just hold her, which was good, because she was a huggy person. It helped that he gave good hug.

“I’ll call you,” he said again, when she broke away (for the second time, but who was counting?).

“I may even pick up,” she told him, grinning.

Johnny rolled his eyes, “Whatever, you love me.”

“Not yet,” Darcy found herself saying, in a surprising fit of honesty, “but I definitely think I could.”

That brought him up short, and he stared at her, eyes intent in a way they hadn’t been before. She stared right back at him, and whatever he was looking for in her face, it seemed like he found it, because he coughed abruptly, breaking eye contact. “I am Mr. Respects Boundaries guy,” he said, “but you just keep _saying things_. You better go before I forget why we’re waiting.”

“Going!”

She watched him from the cab until he was out of sight, mostly because he was watching her right back. Once they turned a corner though, she slumped back in her seat and addressed Creepy Tweety, who was staring at her with his cold, blank eyes.

“I am in _so much_ trouble with that one, you have no idea.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love y'all (NO REALLY YOU ARE THE BEST AND I KNOW I SUCK AT RESPONDING BUT IT'S BECAUSE I'VE BEEN SPENDING SO MUCH TIME WRITING FIC BUT I PROMISE I'LL RESPOND TO ALL OF YOU AND YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT I ADORE ALL OF YOU), but I'm letting you know I'm gonna scale back for a while and move to once-a-week updates for the sake of my hand (*whines, shakes soon-to-be-arthritic appendage at the screen*) and my sanity and also to ensure I don't burn out on this universe. Who knows how much I'll write (expecting a baby in the family, so I may be called upon to help out at any moment), but posting: once a week.
> 
> Also, many of you seem to think there should be a chapter where D/J are introduced to each other's respective superhero groups and/or a date that gets interrupted by a villain/fighting. To you I say:
> 
> "MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" *lightning flashes in the background, thunder crackles*


	4. conversational black holes (and a few revelations)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it was a long wait, but this chapter almost DOUBLED the length of the story, so…yay?
> 
> I don't envision this having more than three more chapters…but I'm sure this won't be the last time I write Johnny/Darcy - they're just too much _fun!_ Not sure when/what will be posted next. I'm working on the next installment of the main continuity, but WE SHALL SEE.
> 
>  
> 
> Cirrat corrected my Russian nicknames, thank you!!!

Darcy was kind of expecting Johnny to call the next day, what with the whole third-date thing being on the table now. When he didn’t, she shrugged and assumed he was busy – he _was_ a superhero, after all. Three days later and she’s started to get a little annoyed, no word whatsoever? Really?

By day six, she was eating ice cream in the main room, trying to figure out if she misinterpreted something on their last date.

“I mean, he _said_ he was going to plan this one, you know? That was _literally_ the phrase he used.”

“Maybe his plans take a while to set up?” Jane offered, always the voice of reason. Darn her.

Natasha stilled, eyes focused intently on Darcy’s face, hand frozen mid-scoop. “Would you like me to find out?” she asked evenly.

Darcy pondered that offer: on the one hand there was a part of her that was silently doing a happy-dance that her friendship with the superspy had progressed to the point of offering threats on her behalf. On the _other_ hand, _threats on her behalf._ Threats aimed at her _soulmate_ …she should probably get them spelled out. The Black Widow was pretty threatening, after all. “ _How_ would you find out, exactly?”

Natasha did a slow close-mouthed smile-thing that reminded Darcy very strongly of a large feline predator.

“Uh,” Jane interrupted, looking slightly weirded out by Nat’s expression, “I don’t think we’re quite at that point yet. Are we at that point yet, Darcy?”

“No,” she admitted, though she mentally reserved the threat idea under “nuclear options” in her head. She slumped down to let her forehead press against the cool marble (Tony was too good for Formica), “UGH, this _sucks_.” She lifted her head, “Should I call him? I mean, yeah, he said he had a plan, but, I don’t know. Am I overthinking this? It’s only been a few days.”

“Six is more than _a few,_ ” Clint scoffed from somewhere overhead.

“This is _girls’ night_ , Barton!” Darcy shouted at the vent. “Go away!”

“Can’t I come and share your ice cream on a sassy gay friend technicality?”

“You are sassy, I suppose,” Natasha mused, “but you’re bisexual, not gay.”

“Yeah, you’re not a sassy gay, you’re a bothersome bisexual,” Darcy muttered, poking at her ice cream.

“That hurts, really, Lewis. Look, do you want my perspective? As a guy?”

“Will your advice make me want to hurt you?”

“…Lewis, _everything_ I do makes you want to hurt me, you’re a closet sadist.”

Darcy sighed, but nodded, unsurprised when the gesture was immediately followed by the soft _whoosh_ of Clint jumping down from the vent. After a quick flip, he landed, cat-like, on the empty side of the counter, smirking at the three women.

Natasha chucked a spoon at him.

He grunted as it hit him in the forehead. “Will you _stop that?_ ”

“No.”

Clint rolled his eyes, then settled himself cross-legged on the table, leaning over to grab a big spoonful of _Karamel Sutra_. “So, the way I see it, Storm has been all over you like whoa…basically from the word ‘go.’ He’s a playboy, he’s got a reputation, but he hasn’t really been living up to it with you. I think he might have,” Clint made jazz hands, “ _feelings_ and not know what to do with them, so he’s taking a step back to deal. You follow?”

“That is…not a bad theory,” Natasha allowed.

“It _does_ sort of fit,” Jane agreed.

Darcy stared blankly at her ice cream, “You think he’s backing off because he _like_ likes me and doesn’t know how to deal?”

“It’s a theory,” Clint said, nodding.

“Huh,” she muttered. “That’s…not so bad.”

“Of course, on the other hand, it could be that he’s freaking out about introducing you to his family,” the archer offered nonchalantly. “Word on the street is that Richards finally told Sue about Storm’s meeting you in the labs and she kicked up a fit about not having met her baby brother’s soulmate yet.”

“Oh. Meeting the family?” she said weakly. “So soon? _Fuck._ ”

“Yeah,” Clint said, licking his spoon, “if that’s _your_ reaction, think about what _Storm_ must be feeling right now.”

…

In the end, it only took another day for Johnny to call her.

(“Pay up,” Clint told Natasha, “you thought he’d take 10 days to grow a pair.”)

“Look, I’m sorry I haven’t called,” was his opening, voice rushed and sounding harried, “I had a thing.”

“A thing?”

“A _thing_ thing.”

“Is this a thing you feel like describing?”

Johnny sighed, “It’s a thing you’re going to be _experiencing._ I mean. If you want. No pressure.”

Darcy heard strange muffled sounds coming over the line, but shrugged it off as the television or something. “That’s incredibly vague and borderline suspicious,” she told him, “I can’t tell if that was meant as some odd sort of sexual overture – “

Cue muffled choking sounds coming down the line…

“ – or something even _stranger,_ ” she finished. “What’s up?”

“Sue – my sister – “

“Oh my _god_ , Johnny, of course I know who your sister is!”

“ – wants you to come for dinner.”

So, Clint had been right. _Shit._ “Like a family dinner?”

“Yes.”

“With the Fantastic Four?”

“Uh-huh.”

Darcy thought about what she knew of Reed (asshole), of Sue (wonderful, but possibly hostile considering Darcy’s relationship with her little brother), and Ben (very little). All in all, the foursome reminded her more of her own science squad than they did the regular Avengers, and god knew she had had a hard time of it when she had attempted to explain her job to her _family._ She tried to imagine what it would be like to introduce her science squad _as_ her family…and shuddered like somebody had walked over her grave. Yeah, okay, Johnny’s obvious nerves were starting to make a little more sense.

“ – don’t even have to stay very long, we can skip dessert, I don’t even _like_ dessert,” Johnny was saying when Darcy tuned back in.

There was another muffled scuffling noise, and then a feminine voice on the line, very warm and friendly and it immediately had Darcy’s spine snapping straight and her shoulders unslumping themselves.

“Darcy - I _do_ hope it’s alright if I call you that - what Johnny _means_ to say is that we would love to have you over for dinner sometime this week, to get to know the family. I’ve been looking forward to this day for _years_ and I would just love to meet you!”

“Oh, well, yeah – I mean _yes_ \- I’d love to meet all of you,” Darcy said, trying not to sound as nervous as she felt.

“Great! How’s Thursday?”

“Thursday will be…fine. Um, should I bring anything?”

Sue laughed, “Oh no, just yourself!”

“Then, uh, Thursday?”

“Johnny will come pick you up, see you then!”

Darcy took a deep breath, and then –

“We really don’t have to – ow! Sue! Stop hitting me! – to _do this_ , Darcy.”

“No, no,” she said, pretending her voice wasn’t an octave higher than normal, “it’ll be fine. Right?”

“They’ll _adore_ you,” Johnny said, almost _grumbled_ in fact, “probably more than they like me. I just don’t want you to – “

“Are you worried your superfamily will scare me off?” she asked, a little amused.

“…something like that.”

“No worries, hot stuff, if I can put up with Stark, I’m sure I can put up with _anyone_.”

“I’m holding you to that…”

…

“I need a meet-the-family outfit!”

Natasha sighed from her perch on the edge of Darcy’s bed, “Haven’t you met all of them before at one time or another?”

“Yes, but this is different! Isn’t this different?” Darcy asked, pacing back and forth in front of her closet. “I mean, when I met them _then_ I was meeting them as Darcy, lab assistant to Stark and Co. _Now_ I’ll be meeting them as Darcy, soulmate to their brother or brother-in-law or teammate or combination thereof and those are _very different things_ , Natasha.” She stopped, facing the other woman, “Aren’t they?”

Natasha tilted her head to one side, considering. “Yes and no, _belochka_. It is different because _you_ feel differently, and it is different because they will be looking not just at you, but at how you are with Johnny.”

“So I have to worry about _his_ behavior _and_ mine?” Darcy threw up her hands and flopped backwards onto the chair she kept in the corner. “Well,” she told the ceiling, “I’m fucked, then.”

Nat laughed, “They know him and his behaviors far better than you do, _belochka_ , and they will not be expecting you to change him. They will look to see whether or not you are _good_ for him, and that is a different thing entirely.”

She stared at the other woman, processing that idea. “That’s even _worse_ ,” she said slowly, “pressure’s back on _me_.”

Natasha rolled her eyes and stood, walking over to Darcy and pulling the other woman up easily (stupidly strong superspies). “You will be _fine_ , just be yourself.”

“Don’t know any other way to be.”

“I know,” she said softly, “and that is why I know it will be fine. Now come!” She turned to the closet, “I will help you, _belochka_.”

“Thanks. And Nat?”

“Yes?”

“ _Thanks._ ”

…

Johnny came to get her at 6:30PM on Thursday, in the _Fantasticar_. Darcy was not expecting the Fantasticar, at _all_ , she was expecting the not-so-compensatory truck. She stood on the Tower’s landing pad, where JARVIS has called her, and stared.

“What?” Johnny said, smirking a little.

She stared some more. “Why. Just… _why?_ ”

He shrugged, “It’s faster.”

Darcy quirked a brow at him, slowly coming closer, “I thought you were sort of dreading this dinner, I actually expected that you’d end up coming a little late.”

His smile, she noticed, didn’t quite reach his eyes, “It’ll make for a quicker getaway, too.”

She frowned at him as she slung herself over the side, into the seat. “You’re _really_ nervous about this, aren’t you?” She watched his face as he closed the field around the top of the car and prepared for departure. His expression was verging on blank and almost _seemed_ relaxed, but the corners of his mouth were tight, lips a little pinched. “Johnny,” she said, putting a hand on his arm.

He paused, slanting his eyes over. “Yeah?”

Darcy studied him carefully, “I would promise that there’s nothing your family could do that would make me run screaming…but this _is_ the superhero business, and I can’t rule out the possibility of supervillains busting in,” his arm tensed under her grip, “or mind-control, or any one of the other crazy things that happen in our lives. I _will_ promise that, no matter what happens tonight, I will _talk to you_ about anything that freaks me out, okay?”

Johnny huffed out a brief laugh and his shoulders slumped a little. “Okay.”

“Just promise me you won’t leave me alone with your sister.”

He cracked a grin, “Well, I mean, I _would_ but she’s got this little trick, maybe you’ve heard of it? She can turn _invisible._ ”

“Johnny?”

“Yeah?”

“Just drive.”

…

By the time they reached one of the Baxter Building’s landing pads (there were upwards of eight, god knew why), Johnny’s nervousness had infected Darcy. She wasn’t quite at the level of panic she’d reached while talking to Natasha, but there was a steady current of adrenaline seeping into her bloodstream and the thought of using the Fantasticar to express her “flight” instincts was sounding better and better.

“We don’t have to go in,” Johnny said, just before they reached the door.

It was a darkened glass that would be impossible to see through at any great distance, but from this close she could make out Sue, Ben, and another woman bustling around what looked like a living room: a _really nice_ living room, but still a living room. For a moment, Darcy was tempted, _really_ tempted, to say “Fuck it” and leave with Johnny. Have a nice, normal date, maybe make out a little, maybe even have sex ( _maybe_ )…but then she looked at Johnny, at his expressionless face and the tight set of his shoulders.

“Yeah, but they’ve probably already set the table, don’t want to be _rude_ ,” she said with a blithe smile, and pushed open the door.

Sue was the first to notice, swinging around to face them with a broad, beaming smile. She had the same blonde-and-blue-eyed coloring that Johnny sported, but her face was more angular. “Darcy, Johnny, you made it! I was starting to wonder…” she trailed off with a small one-shouldered shrug.

“Lost me five bucks, Smoky,” Ben rumbled.

“You promised you’d be _nice_ ,” the second woman muttered, gently swatting the giant orange hero’s shoulder. She was a few inches shorter than Sue, which still put her several inches taller than Darcy, with warm brown skin, curly black hair bound back by a colorful scarf, and freakin’ _dimples_. It took Darcy a second look to take in the cane looped at the woman’s wrist, and the way her eyes weren’t quite focused.

“This _is_ nice,” was Ben’s reply.

“Well, Johnny?” Sue raised her eyebrows expectantly.

Darcy felt him startle behind her, he must have been right at her heels, _literally_. “Oh, right,” he said, “uh, this is Darcy, my soulmate. Darcy, this is…everyone. Except Reed, who you’ve met before, and probably never need to see again.”

“ _Johnny,_ ” Sue sighed.

“What? It’s not like this is your first time meeting her!”

“It’s _my_ first time,” the second woman, probably Ben’s girlfriend judging by the arm he’d slid around her waist, objected. “Darcy, is it? I’m Alicia, I’m – “

“She has the misfortune of being Ben’s soulmate,” Johnny interrupted, “we’re not sure if it’s a cosmic screw-up, or the universe trying to make up for Ben’s… _Ben-ness_ , either way, I’m pretty sure Alicia must have burned down a town full of orphanages in a past life to get stuck with _him_.”

“And what did Darcy do to get stuck with _you?_ ” Ben growled.

“She was Mother Theresa,” Johnny said solemnly.

“That – that makes _no_ sense, they were alive at the same – “

“ _Well_ , dinner is probably just about ready,” Sue broke in, her peaceful smile made Darcy wonder if this sort of thing was a common occurrence. “Why don’t we head to the dining room? Johnny, you can go fetch Reed, and,” she continued over her brother’s attempt to interrupt, “you have my permission to singe him a little if he doesn’t listen.”

Johnny looked torn at that, glancing down at Darcy with a conflicted look on his face.

“No,” she whispered, hopefully quietly enough that nobody else would hear. “No, Johnny, _don’t you dare -_ ”

“Sure Sue!” he chirped.

“You are a horrible person,” Darcy hissed, “and you will be lucky if I let you _kiss_ me for another five dates, let alone – “

Johnny smirked and leaned down to whisper in her ear, “Can’t kick me to the couch when I haven’t even been in your bed, Babs,” before ducking away and out of the room, leaving her to the tender mercy of his sister, teammate, and Alicia.

“Wanna bet?” she muttered under her breath before pasting on a smile and following Sue through the living room to the kitchen. Alicia and Ben continued on to the dining room, but Sue waved Darcy closer to her and _fuck_ , Darcy _knew it_ , she _knew this would -_

“You are everything I ever wanted for Johnny,” Sue said while she threw some spices into a large bowl of mashed potatoes.

“I just want you to – wait, what? Really?”

The older woman nodded. “I think you’re perfect for him.”

“…thank you?”

Sue laughed, “Darcy, reactions like _that_ are why you two are well-suited.” She set down the spoon she’d been using to mix the potatoes and gave Darcy a searching look, “May I be frank?”

“You’re probably better at being Sue,” Darcy verbally vomited, then blanched, “Oh my god. Please, just. Ignore that. I’ve obviously been around Tony Stark too long. Or something. But yes, frank away!”

“You’re beautiful, smart enough not to let him walk all over you, and you have a certain,” Sue’s smile was edging into ‘smirk’ territory and it was kind of wigging Darcy out, but she had never looked _more like_ her brother, “shall I say… _attitude?_ You complement him well.”

“I try not to compliment him too much,” Darcy muttered, “his ego’s bigger than the Chrysler building.”

“Yes…that.” For the first time since she’d entered the building, Darcy saw Sue frown. “Johnny…I know Johnny’s reputation. I know _exactly_ how much of it is fabricated and how much of it is _earned_. He’s always been very,” she shrugged, “ _Johnny_. I know my brother’s virtues and his faults, and most of the time, with him, it’s too much of the first leads to the second. He’s charming and smart, and everything seems to come easy to him because of it, and a lot of things _are_ easy for him. Always have been. But there are, and always have been, some things he’s taken _very_ seriously, regardless of how much effort he’s had to put into them. His schooling, becoming a pilot and later an astronaut, that was one. His relationship with you…that’s another.”

Darcy opened her mouth to speak, then thought better of it. She didn’t really – huh.

Sue was watching her intently. “I think I know a little of what you’re thinking: that this is _Johnny_ we’re talking about, that I didn’t even know about you until this week, that I’m his sister and he’s not likely to confide in _me_ , of all people.”

“Um, to be honest?” She shrugged, “Yeah, all of that.”

“We may not talk everything out, but I _know_ my little brother. With one thing and another, we’ve spent far more time around each other than most adult siblings have.” Her lips twisted wryly, “Some might say _too much_ time, and I don’t know that I’d disagree with them.” Sue rolled her shoulders back and then fixed Darcy with a very serious, very _focused_ look, “My brother has a highly idealized view of soulmates, always has. He was old enough to watch with me when I went through my John Hughes phase, only _he_ never really left it, never really acquired that layer of cynicism most of us get after our first break-up, or second. Then,” she blew out a breath, “he got a first-row seat to my relationship with my soulmates - ”

Darcy very, _very_ carefully did not react because _what._ Plural?!

“ – and I’m afraid that, between that and watching Ben and Alicia find each other… he’s pinned a lot on you even before meeting you.” She laughed a little at Darcy’s expression, “Oh, don’t worry, I don’t mean to imply he had some sort of…mental Galatea that he was expecting to show up exemplifying everything he _thinks_ he wants.”

“ _Thank god._ ”

“You’re far closer to his ideal than I think you realize,” Sue said, “and that actually makes this worse in some ways. He just… he doesn’t have the same barriers up that most people do. He expects a lot out of your relationship, which means he’s going to _give_ a lot. I have no worries about that, I really _do_ think you’re perfect for him, but…”

“But…?”

“You could hurt him _very_ easily, and that worries me. I think the worst thing you could do is…choose a course of action based on the premise that Johnny might be treating this relationship as he has others in the past. He isn’t, he won’t.” She gathered up the bowl of potatoes, as well as a second with some sort of salad that looked delicious. She paused before heading towards the door, giving Darcy a somewhat self-deprecating smile, “I guess all of this was to tell you that Johnny is…all-in when it comes to this relationship. I thought you ought to know.”

Darcy watched Sue leave with wide eyes. “All-in…” she muttered to herself, _or just really good at bluffing_ , she finished the thought silently. But no, she felt a twinge of guilt because that wasn’t fair at all. Johnny hadn’t given her any cause to doubt him, or his intentions. “All-in,” she said again, tasting the words, the idea, turning it over in her head.

All nonsense with that face-matching website aside, could she see herself with Johnny ten years, or twenty, or _forty_ , down the line? Darcy tried to picture it and…yeah, she could see them continuing their pattern of good-natured bickering, outrageous flirting, and the occasional serious moment. She could see it, and, to be honest, she was kind of looking forward to it. Darcy pressed a hand over her heart, frowning and thinking of her words to Johnny at the end of their last date: she wasn’t in love with him yet, but she could be, and – after that conversation with Sue – she felt a little easier about the idea of _letting_ herself fall for Johnny.

She shook her head and straightened her shoulders, heading through the door Sue had used. There would be time to think about all of this _later_ , after she had gotten through the family dinner, the first of what could be _many_.

No pressure.

The dining room was smaller than she was expecting, but on the other hand it was entirely possible – probable, actually – that, like landing pads, the Storms had multiple dining areas. Darcy thought that it boded well that Sue had decided on this one, a cozy, mid-sized room with a high ceiling, warm lighting, and one wall made up of windows that led to a _freaking awesome_ view, instead of a more formal setting.

Ben was seated at one end of the table, Alicia to his left. Johnny was just entering the room from a door opposite Darcy, his brother-in-law trailing after him. She took a moment to scowl at Johnny for ditching her with Sue, but, well, the conversation hadn’t been anywhere near as excruciating as she was expecting, so she took his arm when he came over and offered it.

“How was the interrogation?” he inquired solicitously.

There were two ways to play this: she could be honest, or she could let him stew. Darcy gave him a Mona Lisa smile and decided on combining the two approaches: “It was very _enlightening_ , Johnny.”

He froze, squinting down at her. “ _Enlightening?_ What does _that_ mean?”

“If you wanted to be a part of the conversation, you should have stuck around,” she informed him, slipping her arm out of his and sliding into the empty seat next to Ben. “So, Alicia,” she turned to the other woman, “how did you meet Ben?”

“At a bar,” was the reply. “I broke up his pity party, and the rest, as they say, is history.”

“Well, after having met you what could he possibly have to pity himself over?” Johnny said, settling into the seat beside Darcy.

“Stop flirting with my soulmate, punk, _yours_ is right here!” Ben growled.

“Asking me to stop being charming is like asking you to stop being…orange,” Johnny objected, leaning forward around Darcy to give his friend a smarmy grin.

“They always like this?” Darcy asked Alica quietly.

Alicia smiled brightly – and seriously, those dimples were _ridiculous_ \- “Worse, usually.”

“Darcy?” Reed called, sounding confused. He’d settled at the other end of the table, opposite Ben, and had clearly just noticed the others’ presence. “What are you doing here? Is Banner here?”

“No, dear,” Sue sighed, “she’s here for _Johnny_ , remember?”

“Oh, right,” he said, frowning a little.

“They’re soulmates?” Sue prodded.

“Oh! Right!” he nodded. “Sorry, I’ve just been so focused on this polymer replication theor – “

“No science at the dinner table, Reed.”

“…right.”

“See why I wanted to set him on fire?” Johnny murmured.

“I work with him on a regular basis, that was never a question,” Darcy muttered back. “You’re still a dick for ditching me with your sis, by the way, and payback is a _bitch_.” She turned back to the table, flushing when she realized that everyone – minus Reed, who didn’t really count – had been paying attention to their little aside. “So! Sue! Everything looks _great_.”

“Thank you, Darcy, we try to have a family dinner at least once a week.”

“Barring villain intervention, or _interruption,_ ” Ben said, smirking a little.

“Which doesn’t happen all that often, of course,” Johnny hastened to add, “we’re not quite as busy as the Avengers.”

“’course, the news doesn’t always report on everybody we fight, we’re not as high profile. Besides, we like to keep a lot of our problems in-house,” Ben went on, ignoring Johnny’s interruption.

“ _Ben_ ,” Sue snapped, “now is _not the time_.”

“Aw, c’mon, Suzie, if you think for _one second_ it’s not gonna come up – “

“Ben, _please_.”

He sighed deeply. “Fine, have it your way. Just don’t be surprised when it blows up in our faces, _literally_."

Darcy frowned because _what?_ Sue was looking nervous, Ben kind of annoyed, Johnny was _nervous_ , and Alicia? Alicia looked like she was torn between laughing and scolding her soulmate. It was clear that _something_ was going on, but for the life of her, Darcy couldn’t figure out what it was.

“Sue, you made _meatloaf?_ ” Reed asked incredulously, looking down at the plate he'd just been passed.

“It’s one of my specialties,” she said defensively.

Reed scowled down at his plate, “It’s also one of _his_ \- “

“Yeah, meatloaf! Love meatloaf, always reminds me of childhood!” Johnny interrupted.

Darcy squinted at him, taking the dish he passed her and serving herself on autopilot.

“Johnny didn’t tell me if you have any food allergies,” Sue fretted. “Will this be alright?”

“It looks great,” she said sincerely, “and unless your meatloaf recipe has pineapple in it, we should be good.”

“Well, no worries, then,” Sue said, smiling.

And _that_ was when the window shattered behind Ben, glass somehow exploding _outward_ instead of _in_ , revealing _Victor Von Doom_ standing on some sort of platform that was hanging from a large silver hovercraft.

“Looks like I’m just in time,” he said, and though the iconic silver mask covered his face, Darcy could _hear_ his smirk.

“What the _fuck?!_ ” she whispered.

“Oh god,” Johnny sighed, face-palming, “I must have killed _so many orphans_ in my last life.”

Doom stepped down from the craft and into the room, slowly stalking away from the shattered window and around the table to hover between Sue and Alicia’s seats before stopping and taking a large, obvious sniff. "And you made _meatloaf?_ Sue, you _know_ that's my favorite. Not inviting me to meet Johnny's little soulmate is one thing, but when it causes me to miss out on your meatloaf?" he made a tsking noise. "That's just _hurtful._ "

Darcy felt like she’d stepped into the twilight zone because there was a villain, the Fantastic Four’s _arch nemesis_ standing in the _Fantastic Four’s dining room_ and nobody was doing anything about it. Ben and Alicia were calmly finishing their drinks, Johnny appeared to be trying to sink through the floor, meanwhile the Richards’ reactions were the closest to what Darcy would have expected: glaring at the villain in their midst, but, on the other hand, obviously not actually readying themselves for any sort of action.

“Well, since it seems that everyone appears to have lost their manners, allow me to introduce myself: I am Victor Von Doom, soulmate to Reed and Sue and a part of this happy little family.” He pushed a button on one of his gauntlets, instantly summoning a small bot from the ship, which was still hovering outside and, now that Darcy looked, appeared to be in the process of repairing the window using some sort of…sprayable glass? Not important. The bot whirred over to him and morphed, Transformers-style, into a chair that fit perfectly between Sue and Alicia. Doom sat down with a flourish of his cape, a place setting appearing before him like magic – actually, considering that it was _Doom_ , it probably _was_ magic.

 _Oh my god, the rumors were true._ Well, that…put a _very_ different spin on the evening, and made a lot of what had been going on make _so much more sense_. “I’m Darcy Lewis,” she said after another moment of _excruciatingly awkward silence_.

“A pleasure,” Doom said, inclining his head. “Now, will someone please pass the meatloaf?”

“You’re not supposed to be here, Victor,” Reed gritted out. His hands were clenched into fists on the table, bracketing his plate, and Darcy didn’t think she’d ever seen him so mentally _present_ before. Usually he was ¾ science and ¼ the current moment, right now, though? Totally 100% there. She wasn’t sure she wanted to consider what that implied about Reed, or his relationship with Victor.

“Is this not a family meal? I _am_ your soulmate, after all,” Doom reminded him while serving himself some mashed potatoes. He quickly passed the bowl on to Sue in order to get the meatloaf Alicia was holding out to him.

(Forget wondering about the magical sex-properties of Reed’s cock, Darcy was starting to wonder what the fuck Sue put in that _meatloaf._ )

Reed was practically frothing at the mouth: “You may be my soulmate, but you’re sure as hell not my _fam_ \- “

“ _Enough!_ ” Sue exclaimed. “This is supposed to be a nice family dinner to get to know _Darcy_. Can’t you put aside your grievances for _one night?_ This is _not about you._ Do you think you can handle that?”

“I’m perfectly capable of putting aside any petty disputes, Sue. For you, _anything_ ,” Doom said sweetly.

She nodded, “Good, _thank you_ , Victor. Reed?”

He looked like he was swallowing bile, but he nodded after a moment.

“Excellent.” Sue blew out a breath before turning to Darcy, a rueful look on her face, “Is this…alright? I had hoped not to spring this on you on your first dinner with us, but yes: Victor is our soulmate.”

“He ain’t heavy, he’s my soulmate?” Darcy blurted, then froze, completely mortified.

“How _amusing_. Yes, Johnny, I can see why she’s your match,” Doom declared. “So, _Darcy,_ is it? Tell me, what is it that you do?”

She hadn’t really been expecting that particular question, mostly because the Four all already _knew_ what she did. Also, if there was a list of things Darcy thought least likely to happen, _ever_ , being grilled on her prospects by a freaking _supervillain_ would have been near to the top. “I’m an assistant in Stark’s labs,” she said after a moment. “I work with Drs. Banner, Foster, Selvig, Stark, Ross, and whoever else Stark can cajole into his playground.”

“And do you do any of your own work? What is _your_ specialty?”

“Oh, um, I’m actually a _political_ scientist.”

“Not really using your degree then, are you? So sad when young people _waste_ their education,” Doom sighed.

“Actually, I’ve been working with Pepper – Potts, I mean – to help her put together some international collaborations with foreign scientists.” Darcy knew her smile was more closely resembling an out and out baring of teeth, but _fuck this guy_ , seriously. “I’ve been constantly surprised by how political the science world actually is, but I guess it’s not so surprising considering some of the superiority complexes that can develop when egos run unchecked.”

Johnny rested a hand on Darcy’s leg under the table and squeezed gently. It felt less like the warning she was expecting and more like support.

Ben was hiding laughter behind his – now empty – glass. “Check,” he muttered.

Doom leaned over the table a bit, just far enough that Darcy could see his cool blue eyes through the slits in the mask. “So you _are_ using your degree? Wonderful. It is, as I said, always so _sad_ to see good talent, a good education, wasted. Why, I don’t think I can _imagine_ anything more tragic than watching an intelligent individual let their talents go to waste while focusing on the _distractions,_ ” he paused, giving Darcy a slow, sleazy once-over, “that life can bring.”

Judging by the way Johnny had gone rigid beside her…she had a feeling that particular blow had _not_ been aimed at _her_. Cripes, the Fantastic Family’s drama was worse than the Starks – fictional or otherwise – and last she’d heard, Steve was on a tear about adoption while Tony looked into surrogacy: neither of them having consulted with the other yet regarding _how_ they would go about expanding their family.

Still, there were asshole family members and there were villains, and seeing the two combined into one entity was giving Darcy _all sorts of perspective_ regarding her fears about introducing Johnny to her families, both the superhero one and the normal. She tilted her head to the side, she dealt with Tony Stark on a regular basis: she might be useless in a fight against a supervillain, but if there was one thing she was an _expert_ in, it was dealing with assholes.

"Excuse me?” she said slowly. “Would you like to say that again?"

Johnny made a move to interrupt, but was cut off by Doom's slow, drawling, "I'm _so_ sorry, I didn't mean to _offend_ …"

Darcy grinned very slowly, trying to channel Natasha. "I'm sure you didn't, because for a second there, see, it sounded like you were trying to score points in some sort of verbal war by _insulting your soulmate's baby brother while she's sitting right next to you_ , but, I mean, that would be _really stupid_ , wouldn't it? Not something you'd expect from a guy who puts a whole lotta pride in being smarter and more socially aware than Reed Richards."

“Check _mate_ ,” Alicia murmured approvingly.

“Hey!” Reed exclaimed at almost the same time.

Sue shook her head, giving him a fond smile, "Sweetheart, she has a point." Then she turned to Doom, expression shifting to hurt in a microsecond, "She has a very _salient_ point. Victor, why would you say something like that?"

“I was merely commenting on the state of youth today – “

“Right, you weren’t going out of your way to tailor your complaints to anyone sitting here _at all_ ,” Darcy snorted.

“Well,” Doom said silkily, “if you see parallels, my dear, then perhaps _you_ \- “

“ _Victor_ ,” Sue exclaimed, “I just wanted to have a nice family dinner, why are you doing this? You _always_ do this!”

“Why do you think we didn’t invite you?” Reed added.

“Yeah,” Ben whispered in an aside to Darcy, “like _he_ had anything to do with arranging this shindig…”

“If you _did_ invite me, perhaps I wouldn’t be so negative when I _do_ manage to catch one of these so-called _family_ dinners,” Doom protested.

“Oh, so your behavior is _our_ fault?” Reed scoffed. “What’s that phrase? _Blaming the victim?_ ”

“If you need a demonstration of what it truly feels like to be my _victim_ , Reed, I would be _more_ than happy to – “

“Stop it!” Sue cried, standing so quickly that her chair toppled over backwards. “Just, stop it! I can’t _believe_ you two, and after I – “ she trailed off into hiccupps and sobs, covering her face in her hands.

Reed and Doom both leapt to their feet, each putting a hand on one of Sue’s shoulders. They were split between glaring at each other and attempting to comfort their third: both offering apologies and platitudes though neither let up on the death-staring for even a moment. The dichotomy between their expressions and their voices was…kind of hilarious, actually.

“That’s our cue,” Alicia murmured, smoothly rising from her seat.

“I owe you five bucks, sweetheart,” Ben said, gently taking her arm.

“Wait, what?” Darcy asked, not resisting as Johnny took her hand and pulled her to her feet. He tugged her after the other couple, towards the kitchen. Darcy looked over her shoulder towards Sue, Reed, and Doom, and found the men had increased their efforts to comfort the woman: they were hugging now, each wrapped around one of Sue’s sides while she rested her head in the space between their shoulders. Just before Darcy went through the doorway Sue looked up and… _winked_ at her?!

Darcy was not sure whether to be deeply impressed, or deeply disturbed.

Possibly both.

“I am so, _so_ sorry,” Johnny said as soon as they were safely in the kitchen – and out of earshot of the trio. “I’ll understand if…this is too much for you.”

“Wait, wait, hold up. What _was_ that?”

Alicia grinned at her as she poured wine into four glasses. “Welcome to the family.”

“You held your own, kid,” Ben told her, “I think you’ll fit in just fine.”

“So that’s just – “ Darcy gestured backwards towards the dining room, “that’s a regular _thing?_ ”

Johnny opened his mouth, shut it, then shrugged. “I…try not to think too hard about how their relationship works, or why it seems to run on arguing and crying and fighting and robotics. I don’t _know_ what their _thing_ is, I don’t _want_ to know: I just want to fight Doombots and _repress everything else_.” He slumped against the counter, taking one of the glasses of wine and downing it with a sincere, “Thanks, Alicia.”

“I keep telling you, Johnny, you’re gonna _have_ to find another way to cope with them besides alcohol.” Alicia sighed, but she was smiling just enough that her dimples were appearing: clearly, they were mischief dimples. “I mean,” she went on, “what are you going to do when they start having kids?”

“No, nope. They will be Sue’s kids. _Sue’s kids_. I am going to ignore the fact that half their genes come from… _somebody else_ and you can’t stop me.”

Darcy was still trying to try to fit the whole Doom-soulmate thing into her understanding of the Fantastic Four. “So,” she said slowly, “when you guys fight him, is it really fighting or is it…really weird flirting?”

Johnny groaned, “Stop, _please,_ I beg of you.”

Ben shrugged philosophically, “Little of column A, little of column B. I don’t think Doom’s plans for world domination are actually _serious_ , I think he’s just an asshole with entitlement issues. Either way, anytime I meet him outside the tower, I get to punch him. It works. Don’t ask me how, but it works.”

Darcy took a deep breath, “Okay, so, is this the weirdest thing? I’m not gonna find out that you have an evil Skrull in your background or other fishy ex-girlfriends?”

“No, _no_ , my dating history is positively _tame_ compared to,” he shuddered, “ _that_.”

“Well, okay then.” She smiled tentatively, “If you can live with it, I can live with it.”

Johnny went from shocked to beaming in a flash, and then grabbed her by her waist and spun her around, making her shriek and wrap her arms around his neck for balance. “You’re an angel,” he told her seriously. “I – just - _thank you_.”

Darcy laughed, “This is weird, but weird is kinda our _modus operandi_.”

He set her down slowly, eyes never leaving hers, but she could see Alicia and Ben making a strategic retreat out of her peripheral vision. She could _feel_ the tension leaving his shoulders as he tilted forward to rest his forehead against hers.

“You’ve got no idea, Babs, _no idea_ how worried I was.”

“Really? Thought the whole Doom-is-my-in-law thing would be a deal-breaker?”

“In a word? _Yes._ ”

“Hmmmm…” she made a show of pondering, “I _guess_ , for your sake, I can put up with Doom. I don’t have to be nice to him, though, do I?”

“Every bit as nice as he is to you.”

“Oh, well then – “

“Darcy…really,” he searched her face, “are you okay with this?”

“Johnny…really, it’s okay. Family is family, and anyways, I’m in this relationship with _you_. Besides, your sister likes me, so I think we’re set.” _Especially if she can turn those waterworks on and off at will._

“You’re amazing,” he said quietly, the most serious that she’d ever seen him.

She ducked her head, trying not to blush. “I’m pretty normal, actually. Nobody ever called _my_ family ‘Fantas – “

“Darcy.” He detached one of his arms from around her waist to tilt her chin up. “Take the compliment: you’re _amazing._ ”

“Okay, okay, I’m ama – “

He cut her off with a kiss, and while they’d shared other kisses before – really hot ones – this was slow, and sweet, and had Darcy leaning in against him because she was worried she would lose her balance. Johnny framed the side of her face with one hand and pushed her hair back off her neck, making her shiver, then trailed kisses that made her positively _tremble_ along her jaw following the path his hand had made.

She didn’t think she’d ever get over how _warm_ he was, and how it made her feel. His heat made every point of contact between them just that much more distracting, and his attentions to her neck were already pretty devastating. She tunneled her hand into the hair on the back of his neck and tugged sharply, pulling his head back so she could kiss him again because he was a _fabulous kisser_ and, while it felt _awesome_ , the neck-kissing he was doing was going to lead to kitchen-inappropriate behaviors unless she interceded on decency’s behalf.

A sudden thought had her jerking away from him with a breathy, “Um, Johnny?”

“What?” he asked, every bit as breathless as she.

“Your sister and her soulmates have a…tumultuous relationship, yes?”

“Well, yeah, but I’d really rather not talk about them right now – “

“And they just had a fight.”

“They fight _all the time._ ”

“Yeah, and what do people in romantic relationships _frequently do_ after a fight?”

Johnny went very, very still, then groaned long and loud. “Thank you for that, Darcy. Now that I’ve had _that_ idea put in my head I may never be able to achieve an erection again. I’m sorry that you’ll never get the chance to enjoy this,” he gestured to himself with a sad look, “but it _is_ your own fault.”

Darcy rolled her eyes, “I’m sure I can find some way to erase that trauma.”

“Nope, I’m permanently scarred, completely unmanned, an effective eunu – “ he cut off with a groan, this one much lower and softer, as Darcy deliberately rolled her hips against his. “Okay,” he said, sliding his hands down her back to rest in her hips, “I _may_ have spoken too soon.”

“Gee, ya think?”

“But…” he winced, “I really don’t think I can – I mean, they’re _in the other room_.”

“Three dates _at least_ was what I originally said. Besides, good things come to those who wait, right?”

“Darcy,” he leaned in so his lips brushed against her ear, “I’m not good, I’m _fantastic._ ”

She gulped. Why were they waiting again?

As if on cue, a sharp cry that _might_ have been a moan echoed down the hall from the dining room.

Johnny flinched.

“Take me home so I can get some dinner and you can go and get _really drunk?_ ” Darcy offered.

“You are _amazing_ ,” he said fervently, “and I _will_ make this up to you.”

“Alrighty then, we’ll call this third date take one, you go ahead and plan take two.”

“Wait, if this will be our third date again…?”

Darcy grinned, “Better make it an _amazing_ date.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry not sorry.
> 
> Also, to clarify, Doom and Sue and Reed are a triad, so they're ALL soulmated to each other. In my head, it works like this: Doom is a shit till Reed snaps and tries to murder him (alternately, Reed is a smarmy prick till Doom snaps and tries to murder him) and then they fuck the anger out. Obviously they both love Sue and think she's a perfect angel…and she is. Mostly.


End file.
